Ray (ragefreakonpxil) wrote,
Ray
ragefreakonpxil

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One of those nights

Im up its 4 my body needs to get use to waking up at the right time I fell asleep at 10 and woke up now WTF I hate when I do that... I dun have to be in class till 12 anyway AND I live right there now so I don't need to leave and hour and a half like b4 WOO anywho. Im trying to bore myself back to sleep hmm not working, how ironic is that now here I am up in the middle of the night been awhile since I was up this late and was home and not out somewhere and just getting in and sleeping. And I hate nights like this because I have them a lot Im weird if I sleep early Ill wake up at 4 for no reason and if I sleep late Ill still wake up at 4 and that only happens when I need to wake up for something (this will explain my cranky morning moods and cravings for caffeine or a energy drink) and later Ill be sleepy and very moody but today I dun have to wake up so early sooo now that school has started and everything is set with that, so whats next for me now what will I do in the meantime. I have no clue Im sure Ill keep myself busy and entertainedhmm something is at miss here I feel something missing ::sigh:: as if an empty void has not yet been filled I was hopping school would take my mind of a lot maybe it will later on but nights like this when I wake up in the middle of the nite I cant help but think about it I hate this I never really had a chance to sit down alone to myself and think I always kept busy keeping my mind off so much and Ive put aside a lot and tried to ignore things and just keep busy. But I cant if I was still living in North Bergen right now I would take a walk around the lake right about or sit on the wall, but its late, and its a 35 min drive.. So Ill just go insane to myself for now, I miss that lake :::sigh::: I remember going there alone at night just to think to myself or walking around with one of my former loves no matter how cold it would get I would just sit there and actually talk to myself (in my head not out loud..sometimes) just sit there thinking of whats ahead whats to come. So then what is to come?

Whats next?

I'm not talking about whats next after school, I know already my life is already planed out. (finally) Im talking about my personal life... things lately have been not to peachykeen.. Ive just been bothered by certain events that have been transpiring over the last 3 weeks some good, some bad, and some just not right ......

I think too much this is why I need to freaking keep busy because of crap like this hehehe oh well, it never hurts to think a little as long as I don't dwell on anything. I already know what I want I just need patience and everything. i'll be ok becasue i just know, i have a feeling that everything will be ok ....and my gut feeling has never EVER !!!! been wrong.....:::YAWNS::: Im starting to feel it Im going to catch a few more Z's
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