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Sunday, November 7th, 2010
4:52 am - strike 3



These are my thoughts, which I don’t share with most people. I write because I have nowhere else to express myself with mundane thoughts. I do it so I can have something to look back to, as my own personal reference. I invite very few to see my writings, if they choose so. What I write is what I write, and is for no one, but those I choose to see, no one else. I don’t care the reason behind it.

I’m tired of people in my personal business…



current mood: frustrated

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Monday, May 8th, 2006
5:13 pm - great weekend
I don't write much anymore so I will write about my amazing weekend, What a way to end the last week of school it was fucking great!!!! Words cannot explain it although I look like pure shit right now it was all worth it... Bamboozle was just great...I got their I saw the AKAs for a little bit....then I saw Bayside who were fucking great, first time getting beat up at one of their shows...after them walked around a bit drank some beer saw Anthony from bayside told him I loved him and walked some more saw hellogoodbye ....then I saw chiodos and got beat up in the pit it got sooo bad that security came into the pit.... When chiodos was done I saw silverstein it was ok love the music but the crowd for them was not so great, but that was good cause I got to walk all the way to the front and then I waited for from first to last, and the crowd was great for them.... Later I sat in the back for Hawthorne heights cause I was dead tired and then the all American rejects came on and they were good and all cause everyone there were all little pop people who loved them and during the end of the all American rejects we left during the end to go see Thursday!!!! Who Ive heard so much from for the whole week and they were fucking just great and during the show some girl was grinding on my and I mean grinding.. and I soo could not help getting a hardon and yea she still did not stop and I know she felt it..... Then after Thursday was over, Carlos and I left cause we did not want to see Fall out boy, so we left and we went to the parking lot and Carlos wanted to see where Thursday was cause he knows the drummer of Thursday from whole foods... and he came out gave Carlos a hug and said what's up and everything ... then we went to the car and was waiting for everyone to come out cause they went to see Fall out boy and while we were waiting Carlos rocking out to morning wood in the parking lot and everyone around us was just watching and cheering him on haha great shit.. finally FOB was done and we left ... did we go home oh no no no instead of going home and resting we went to a party in Montclair U.. Got drunk had a very..VERY good time at the party.. got home at like 6 am I had to wake up at 9 to go to a meeting at Starbucks I only got like an hour at most sleep and I dunno even think I slept... went to the meeting feeling like shit I did not know what was going on my body was just out of it and my head was just delirious and bunt out .. After the meeting I took some shots of espresso (benefits of working for Starbucks) I went straight to day 2 of bamboozle as soon as I got their I saw 30 seconds to mars who are fucking GREAT!!! When they played the kill it was great live after that I walked around ate some stuff ... then I saw Panic! At the disco and they were fucking GREAT what I love them more now I became uber gay during them ... then after dancing like a mad man it was time to get hard...hardcore that is it was underoath and holy shit my nose too a beating my nose looks like someone took a knife and sliced a piece of skin off.... after them I took a break saw sensesfail from afar cause Ive seen them so many times and I was dead tired ... after that me and Carlos went to see H.I.M who was fucking great when they played Wicked game I was soo happy cause I did not think they would play it....after HIM I sat down by the stage and saw Lifetime perform and then AFI went on and while everyone went their we went to the stage where Taking back Sunday was and when they came on they were just fucking GREAT!!!! I fucking love them sooo much.... The show was over and at last it was time to go home... when I finally got home my bed never felt soooo good I slept like a little baby

What a great weekend what a way to start off summer and this is just the start.

current mood: exhausted

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Friday, April 7th, 2006
5:18 pm - no raindrops on rosesAnd girls in white dressesIt's sleeping with roachesAnd taking bad chances
Lastnight was interesting as expected please note NEVER DRINK SPARKS because its gets you drunk and if your sad it will give you that added energy needed I just feel bad because I understand where you come from and I know how hard it is to give someone a piece of you and they throw it away or break it. Its understandable you want to be alone and you feel that you can never feel the same about anyone else Ive been there and I know that road pretty well and as much as it can hurt you have to realize that time can heal as much as you think it wont I know the words I love you can mean a lot but now a days people often use that word as nothing and the word love has lost its true meaning so I say we come up with a new word to explain the word love that way many people can use the word love with out having to spell it Luv or lov, or whatever I love means crap now and yea I am an advocate of the word love and the feelings that come with it but the word itself is over used . Anyway off the topic a little.. I know its hard to truly let go of your first love I know how you miss the times you spent with them alone looking into there eyes laying in there arms on top of them holding them while you sleep or being held your self we all love that feeling of having someone there with you.. And when something comes along the way and breaks that.. We cant handle it because we lost a part of us that we gave up.. Its hard and it hurts a lot to know that you wont be in that persons arms anymore but you need to know that there are plenty of people out there and you cant just sit down and end everything because you lost the person you thought u would live the rest of your life with its hard and I cant stress that enough because there is nothing more then and you have to get use to its hard to get over your first love but thats what they are your first remember there are 2nd, 3rd.. etc out their 6 billion people on this planet cant fall in love with everyone you meet cause thats dumb..(Thats why the word love is overused) Ive dated plenty of people in my life I can say I fell in love truly with 3 people..3?? : o (whos the 3rd thats for another blog) but anyway this is not about me just the events of yesterday and yea I loved them and I knew they loved me back but things happen and the love just changed and as I said yesterday SHIT HAPPENS!!! And you cant just stop your life for one person you have to move on you have go on with your life there is someone out their for everyone.. Just got to look and enjoy life while you are looking and everyone that comes along and maybe you will find someone to love and then later find out its not love anymore then we move on it hurts I know its a sucky feeling but thats life and we cannot just stop on the first try just.Keep swimming just keep swimming because its a big ocean and there is plenty of fish and it may be a polluted ocean and we may have to throw out a lot of fish to find the one we want but its fun looking and there is a few silver fish in the sea and while we look for the gold just cant let it get to you..It hurts I know wish I could take your pain and frame it.. but I cant all I can do is tell you that it will go away and I will be there to make sure you dont stop with live and live it to its fullest..

I wrote a lot here and Im sure there is plenty of grammar and spelling error but whatever I have a hangover give me a break!!!

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Tuesday, March 21st, 2006
2:07 pm - No one is to know about this
I feel as if I have been tested by whom I don't know but if it was a test then I've passed I feel a lot of weight lifted off my chest I feel, as there is a point to go on my thoughts are gone and I feel good again.. Family issues are somewhat good..(for now) but I rather have peace even if its brief, then deal anymore with what happened it got to the point where I almost and no one knew this at all where I was going to kill myself.yea I almost did it I had the belt around my neck and everything note ready and all I was ready to do it I was ready to end the pain I could not take it anymore I did not know what to do and I was overwhelmed with so much I had a breakdown it was the day of Sarah's birthday where I was going to end my life . For almost a month and more everyone would come up to me and ask me what's wrong and I reply"nothing" when in fact I was lost confused and did not want to talk because I felt if I talked I would then tell someone what my intention were so they could not stop me or tell someone so I kept to myself closing off the world standard Ray stuff when I get in those moods. And I was going to do so and I for a brief second I was going to do it and then. I did I fucking tied the belt to the light and I hung myself and I don't know what but it was not the fear of dying that stopped me but something I don't know what but I just did not and I cut the belt and fell to the floor.but I just found it weird because I did not want to cut the belt No one knew why I did that and I stood there thinking to myself with my bloodshot eyes staring at the hole in my ceiling pissed at myself for cutting it I was going to do it again and as if my hands did not respond to myself they would not let me I did not have the will to get up and for a moment I thought I was paralyzed I fell asleep on the very spot that I landed and I had a dream and I saw a lot of people I met in my life and I don't remember much of it but all I know when I woke up for the first time in a long time I woke up with a feeling of optimism that I could not explain. I got up and then I remembered it was St. patty's day I completely forgot and I said to myself I will enjoy my life I wont let shit get to me anymore and I did not and I went out got drunk smoked some pot and fucking enjoyed myself I slept in Sarah's house and then I had to go home for a bit because my mother who kicked me out the other day wanted to have an intervention with my father, my step mother, my mother, and my step father.. and so when I went back home for that I sat down and talked to them they of course think I am like a heroine addict and everything bad you can think of.. so after they said there part and everything I basically told them how I felt I told them that I have had it with everything that I am tired of then fucking messing up my plans I am tired of them fucking trying to justify what they want I am aware that I don't help with money in this house and that's because I have none because HELLO I SPENT IT ALL ON SKOOL and yea I am getting a job but still wont give them shit because I have school and I wont help ever ok if she wants to kick me out then go ahead because it wont stop me I am not my dad I don't back down and give in you got the wrong Ray.and after everything was settled I went off not to return for 3 days.(because spring break was ending and I wanted to enjoy it and I did)..



So yea I almost killed myself I almost ended my life no one knows well until someone reads this I am not looking for pity cause I hate pity give that to someone in Ethiopia as for me I am doing great now I realized a lot in the past three days that life is worth living if you can learn not to let the bad things get you and I did. Lately life is just good cold out side but feels like spring to me

current mood: rejuvenated

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Wednesday, February 8th, 2006
1:53 pm - A broken heart and a rant to follow
So yea wish I had good news but as always fate has a way of bitch slapping me across the face, and lately me and fate have not seen eye to eye.. my doctor diagnosed me with a heart problem when I was 20 , and I had it long before that . Yea sucks that I have to take heart pills and crap like that at 22, or I can die at 22 from cardiac arrhythmia (irregular heartbeat) anytime it could be me running, or at a concert or even having sex (what a way to go) so the other day I went and they told me to take better care of myself and take my pills bla bla bla so I listen nope I do take my pills but I dont really take care of myself Im in my twenties; I dont feel as if I should. I mean I know I should but I just could never put myself to do it.sometimes I feel it for example the last concert I went to was Thursday and yea after awhile in the pit I wanted to faint and pass out because I could not take it but did I stop nope because Im stubborn and did not want to miss a moment of the show. And if I check my calendar Im going to a lot of shows from now till ummm May and may will be a two day test of anythingwell good thing that jersey is passing a no smoking ban in bars and stuff like that. (sept in casinos in Atlantic citydont get me started on that FUCKING RICH PEOPLE NEED MORE MONEY GOD SOMETIMES I wish the terrorist would win but then I think about my friends that do serve this country and then I guess Ill just hate on the bureaucrats and politicians of the Government and not its puppets who are us, our solders who mostly serve just to get around in life and the poor and middle class.. see I got off topic Ill write a blog about the reason I hate the ban because its more then just to stop people from smoking and crap like that its because they did not ban smoking in casinos is BECAUSE THE FUCKING STATE SENATORS GOT PAID OFF BY RICH ASS FUCKING CASINO OWNERS BECAUSE IF THERE IS NOT SMOKING IS CASINOS THEN THEY WILL NED TO GO OUTSIDE AND SMOKE A CIG AND IF ANYONE EVER GAMBLES IF YOU LEAVE THE CASINO YOU MIGHT NOT WANT TO COME BACK SO THAT WAY YOU SMOKE ALL THE FUCKING CIGS YOU WANT INSIDE SO THAT WAY YOU DONT LEAVE AND YOU STAY SMOKE YOUR CIGGY AND LOSE ALL YOUR MONEY ITS ALL FUCKING BULLSHIT!!!!!!ING MORE MONEY AND HELPING THE RICH GET RICH AND THE POOR GET FUCKED OVER BECAUSE BARS IN JERSEY THAT ARE NOT BIG WILL NOT BE EFFECTED BECAUSE OF THE BAN AND WHO GIVES A FLYING FUCK ABOUT THEM BECAUSE THEY FUCKING CANT AFFORD TO PAY OFFF ANYONE GRRRR I 8HATE THAT SHIT THATS WHY CANADA SOMETIMES LOOKS SOOOO GOOD. Wow, I got off topic again lol see what happens I get into one of my rants I wont stop well my hands are tired from typing way to fast and Im not going to fix my grammar errors so yea sorry and spelling I tried my best.

BTW Im not basing my rant because Im mad at no more smoking in bars and crap like because its a bad habit that I been trying to overcome., that I dont really care if they ban it but if they are going to ban it in bars then yea ban it everywhere not because the casino bored paid a lot of money.

god its shit like that that will give me a heart attack

current mood: crazy

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Sunday, February 5th, 2006
4:40 pm - I'll be the boy singing in the back
So I turn away from the world and to my iPod, where Bayside, always makes me smile and I know every word to Montauk. Because music is way better than reality.

I plug in to make the world more interesting. I hit play when things get too heavy. I dodge the bullets with my iPod because I'm a twenty first century digital boy. I don't know how to live, but I've got a lot of toys.

The music that life plays over and over is not the tune I want to hear, sometimes you just want to shut away from everything. Sing like no one is hearing. Dance when no one is watching enjoy everything the way you see fit, just enjoy.

current mood: bored

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Tuesday, January 31st, 2006
1:50 pm - So don't you want to hear about my good day
So don't you want to hear about my good day


lalalalala well yesterday was a GREAAAAAAAAAATTT day not only did it feel like spring, and I only had one class for an hour but it was just good... I was in a good mood all day...it almost got bad because I saw my phone bill...AHHHH it was over $200....WHO DO I TALK TO??? Ohh ..But anywho besides that it was good. It was warm... and I got called for a job that my mom hooked me up with from her friend at work so I have an interview for that. they told me that if I get the job that I have to take a drug test lol dum dum dum well its not that bad anymore as I use to be lets see what else umm new job (I hope) skool is going good so far so good on that yay me . Umm so yea well class is over Im out..

I miss spring I want it to come things are changing a lot this year so far..im not making the same mistakes I made last year, and Im not going to miss any opportunities whether its my lovelife career or anything..

current mood: good

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Wednesday, January 18th, 2006
4:30 pm - One of those nights
Im up its 4 my body needs to get use to waking up at the right time I fell asleep at 10 and woke up now WTF I hate when I do that... I dun have to be in class till 12 anyway AND I live right there now so I don't need to leave and hour and a half like b4 WOO anywho. Im trying to bore myself back to sleep hmm not working, how ironic is that now here I am up in the middle of the night been awhile since I was up this late and was home and not out somewhere and just getting in and sleeping. And I hate nights like this because I have them a lot Im weird if I sleep early Ill wake up at 4 for no reason and if I sleep late Ill still wake up at 4 and that only happens when I need to wake up for something (this will explain my cranky morning moods and cravings for caffeine or a energy drink) and later Ill be sleepy and very moody but today I dun have to wake up so early sooo now that school has started and everything is set with that, so whats next for me now what will I do in the meantime. I have no clue Im sure Ill keep myself busy and entertainedhmm something is at miss here I feel something missing ::sigh:: as if an empty void has not yet been filled I was hopping school would take my mind of a lot maybe it will later on but nights like this when I wake up in the middle of the nite I cant help but think about it I hate this I never really had a chance to sit down alone to myself and think I always kept busy keeping my mind off so much and Ive put aside a lot and tried to ignore things and just keep busy. But I cant if I was still living in North Bergen right now I would take a walk around the lake right about or sit on the wall, but its late, and its a 35 min drive.. So Ill just go insane to myself for now, I miss that lake :::sigh::: I remember going there alone at night just to think to myself or walking around with one of my former loves no matter how cold it would get I would just sit there and actually talk to myself (in my head not out loud..sometimes) just sit there thinking of whats ahead whats to come. So then what is to come?

Whats next?

I'm not talking about whats next after school, I know already my life is already planed out. (finally) Im talking about my personal life... things lately have been not to peachykeen.. Ive just been bothered by certain events that have been transpiring over the last 3 weeks some good, some bad, and some just not right ......

I think too much this is why I need to freaking keep busy because of crap like this hehehe oh well, it never hurts to think a little as long as I don't dwell on anything. I already know what I want I just need patience and everything. i'll be ok becasue i just know, i have a feeling that everything will be ok ....and my gut feeling has never EVER !!!! been wrong.....:::YAWNS::: Im starting to feel it Im going to catch a few more Z's

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Saturday, January 14th, 2006
4:34 pm - Its a small world after All
I can't believe this shit no way noo noo way, its funny how small of a world this is but to be this small........ My ass is moving to Canada for the sake of not getting any bad text messages I wont use any names so try to bare with me here.. Ok well this is how it goes person #1 Im am just truly falling for ok now person #2 told person #1 about my ex person # 3, now me and person # 3 may have ended bad and everything.. Ive made mistakes with person # 3 but I wont make the same with person #1 so person#2 needs to shut her fucking trap yea I know who you are person#2 and you need to back off because I never cracked on your relationship even when it was just as fucked up as me and person #3 so stop telling person # 1 shit you dont know about me ok AND!! I know you know person # 3 as well so watch your steps, because guess what KARMA LOVES TO COME back and guess what I have plenty of good karma going for me so Dont FUCK WITH ME!!! You bitter bitch

Im going to see person #1 later today so now Im happy again peace

current mood: devious

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Wednesday, January 11th, 2006
4:28 pm - Lets lay all the cards down
You always wonder what are the intentions of others. Is there a reason to anything or are they sincere its hard to figure out who is truly loyal and who is not. Over the time you learn who is holding the knife and who is not there are times you know who to trust and who not to trust sometimes you can see who is holding the blade and who is not.. The ones you never would expect to just stab you in the back those are always the one that hurt the most. Then there are the ones that you know will sell you out the first chance they get, and you know they would so you keep them at a distance. Then there are those sad souls that will stab you because they are loyal to another because of god knows why its just stupid shit and really I am tired of everyone concealing there guns if you have an issue why run face it head on I am tired with "sneaks" and "two face" people and "fake" people. Im done Ive already dealt with someone really close to me who stab me already and Im done with all the two face or BS its petty get over it I dont care I just want whats mine and move on GROW UP!!!!

current mood: annoyed

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Tuesday, January 10th, 2006
4:25 pm - one last good bye to the summer
Was I sleeping was I dreaming was this all a dream, but I pinched myself and the pain told it all.... No I have not been sleeping its real its all but to real. Mostly everyone Ive known have lost there fucking minds Im not trying to sound cocky or anything but am I the only one seeing this am I the only one looking at this pattern, some people are just complete out of touch with the world. While others are living in a fantasy world where they need a reality check.. I wont say anything because I really am enjoying this show.. But I am finding all this very humorous I mean really come on this is too too funny and if someone elses happiness brings me pleasure in laughter does that make me a bad person or a fucked up person or even a fake person maybe it does but what the fuck I cant help but not look away because Im sorry to say some people try too too hard to get what they want and this is not directed to just one individual this is directed to several. Hey I really dont care anymore your happiness is my entertainment so I say this, this prick over here will continue to watch the freak showFavorite cast of characters the fake one, the bullshiter and the stubborn prick and it looks like this season is starting off with a bang.



summer was fun tisk2

I wont get mad at the petty BS because thats all it is petty and I wont pity anyone

current mood: amused

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Sunday, January 1st, 2006
4:37 pm - peace out 2005
A new day a New Year. What can I say about 2005 then it was a weird year as Ive said before it has had its high points and allot of lows but it was a year the brought me out of a major depression somehow I manage to prevail and face my inner demons and win.... I faced a major fear that has always lingered in front of me and as much as I deny that I fear the unknowable future it has always been in the back of my mind...so here I am again a new year ...and allot of resolutions allot of changes...

1. Finish school

I need too finish school no and if or buts about it

2. Quit smoking cigarettes

I know I have said it before but I mean it this time I need to stop smoking cigarettes I have one pack left from yesterday and it will be my last pack for the year my heart problem is getting worst..

3.Never let anyone make you feel bad

I don't need people making me feel bad about my life or judging me fuck that shit I don't need that yes Im BI yes I like both don't tell me what I like and don't like I think I know I dont need anyone berate me for wanting to work with computers or be a nerd when it comes to that but hey all the wealthy people are geeks and nerds my life is my life dont need anyones 2 cents opinions are fine and advice is fine but trying to make it seem like what I do is a mistake thats just wrong especially from people who well not to be a dick but from people who will not succeed in life at all and who have nothing to live for and should just kill themselves now that way they dont waste the space of other people because the world is over populated and we can use all the room we can haveha ha

4. Stay in contact with your friends

Some people who I lost contact and then got back into contact I need to stay in contact with because I am so lost at times its not even funny and I could use a familiar helping hand

5. Don't put people on a pestle and compare them to Stephanie

When I start a relationship Ive always try to compare them to Stephanie or expect them to live up to my exceptions of what me and her had, I can't expect for anyone to live up to her it was a childhood fantasy it was a teenage love drama story it was my version of a romance that was meant to be but never was. I let to many things slip up because of that and I need to truly let go only one person was able to come close and even that I messed up because I could not except it I need to stop pushing people away and now I have another openuntey to let someone in and I wont mess it up this time...

6. Keep the real in and the fake out

Done with fake people and done with fake anything. Im being straight up with people this year, if I have a problem you will know. I will not sugarcoat anything; Im done trying to spare the feelings of others to not try to hurt them. The truth hurts deal with it...

Those are my resolutions for 2006

2005 was a rollercoster ride with everything the biggest drops ever well 2006 is going to be the opposite with the biggest ups ever its going to be my fight for my own personal salvation...basically all I am trying to say is its going to be a good year....

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!!!

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Wednesday, December 28th, 2005
4:36 pm - This blog Brought To You By A Falling Bomb
What a great show what a great band I f*ing love the blood brothers and Thursday, they were awesome. I am fucking dead my body still healing, my arms cut up there was a point where I thought I was going to faint. I stood in all the way nothing was getting me out of that pit, everyone was gone I was alone no one around then during "signals over the air" I was going to die I was going to leave pull back but then I heard my name over the air it was my friend he came back and I stood in and endured the rest I was all so worth it it was a great show and the people I was with were great. Yes everyone (just wish things were different but hey thats what happens and thats another story on its own but the friendship is in sprit) the crowd was great. In the end of it all my body was completely done I thought my heart was beating to the point that I did not think I was going to make it (damn heart problem) but I kept going just to hear the next song and feel the music and for the moment of clarity the emotions the feelings that rush its always worth it. And that feeling of lying on my bed after it all is another great feeling and a great sleep....i feel so euphoric

current mood: drained

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Thursday, December 22nd, 2005
5:10 am - I love New York
MTA strike wooo yea you go people show everyone you mean business .lol although its kinda cold, yea nothing like walking with packs and packs of people ...but its also a good thing because you meet allot of interesting people when everyone is just walking around hahaha .you see the different kind of people and form huge groups well..lol at least we do haha nothing like banning together.....WE WILL NOT BE STOPPED just keep walking just keep walking walking walking ....

current mood: mellow

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Wednesday, December 21st, 2005
3:43 am - PARTY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Life is great life is simply great I can't put into words how good life is.... Ahhh things are back to the way they are and life could not just be good everyone's back.. I am out more yay I am so glad because now I can focus on me instead of trivial matters and the fucking past GOD!!!!! Get my mind off that please...Axe my ties I made with the world ... I am fucking looking ahead its sad what happened but we all move on right its just I had no one to move with because all my support was far far away or just too busy and now they are all back and then some and this time when they all go back I wont be so down now because I will be with them this time I wont be home all the time and working once and a blue because now I have school to keep me busy...(speaking of busy I need to find a job now because I am debt free, opposite reason for a job) what else I dunno I am just really in a good mood what a great weekend it was so GODD!! fucking shit lol I don't care anymore life is good fuck everything that god me mad upset sad fuck it all because I don't need that shit life is to short I need to live I'm alive again I am free to roam ...I am just happy and glad that I'm not alone anymore and I have people to talk to again with out the use of a phone....now only one thing can make it truly a perfect week �..I hope I get it before it leaves on an airplane on Friday for a whole week oh my god its killing me AHHH!!! More waiting and even if she does say yes I have wait to see her for a week!!! But I rather tell her now then wait till I see her again because yeas why wait hehe make her want to come home even more�.well I am dead tired and my hand is cut up love my LIFE!!!!!

current mood: excited

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Saturday, December 17th, 2005
5:07 am - Passing the time
I was bored today lol, and then i was reading some superman comics...so i had like 6 hours to kill until my friends come back so i made a superman my space hahaha the things i do with my time....anywho



.....I have nothing to write today....hopefully by monday i will have alot to write hehehe if you can catch my drift..... time for me to go

current mood: bored

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Friday, December 16th, 2005
5:12 am - But never is a promise and Ill never need a lie
No one will understand they say they do, but they never do. They say they understand but as always they never get what Im saying. They think as they want and say as they want never to understand the feelings or what lies deeper. there is more to this world then black and white ...funny how a person who has no clue what anything is if they never felt as I feel then how can they understand how can they judge,who are you to judge me when it is I who should judge you.... You say you understand but you will not, I dont know what to believe in, you dont know who I am...so how can I just sit around and have my life, my lifestyle, my anything be judge by those who never walked in my shoes, who never lived the life that I lived, when we all see life in different perceptions. I realize what I am now too smart to mention to you. I see now that I am more ...so I wont let you hold me back when you never will understand anything I wont get mad at your ignorance because ............I wont glow like you glow but Ill glow in my own light...I understand that I am to proud ....Ill say that Im just better then you.

current mood: restless

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Wednesday, December 7th, 2005
5:14 am - That's a rap
The year is coming to a rap, and what a year it has been. Things have had its Up's and down's but thats life for you. The year started how could I say very weird some old friends returned (and will be returning again). Lost some new friends (ha better off) I took the year off from school (and I think Im well rested) I lost my job in whole foods (not crying over that one) I got my old job back (mo money mo money ok Ill stop) went to allot of concerts (something I had not done in years) I did not do that much traveling this year unless you call a random trip to Vermont one but that was just fucking crazy and awesome camp out. Spent a lot of days in bars getting drunk (jack & coke and a lot of coldstone limes go a long away) a lot of shocking events took place some friendships were made some hearts were broken some relationships died hard. And an unexpected person came back (I did not see that one coming I love the timing). My life is looking pretty good right about now; so far things are going according to plan. December will be my party month leading all the way to new years I have a lot of things to do this month, people to see, promises to keep got one more concert left for this year and I am soooooooo glad I end it with Thursday cant wait!! What a way to end the year. My friends come back from school, and I hope to see a certain someone now that shes back from school as well. So I am going to be a busy beaver for this month, well not really more like my last hooray for the year so I guess that just about raps it up.

current mood: cheerful

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Sunday, December 4th, 2005
2:46 pm - Music sounds great when there is someone to hate
Great simply great holy shit what a great show soooo FUCKING worth the WAIT! All the bands were fucking awesome. and bayside was beautiful even with 2 people words cannot describe The feelings I had I never ever EVER!!! cried to any band but yesterday I was water works. They sound soo good acoustic his voice was fucking great you could hear the passion when they played devotion and desire. I could not help myself, and masterpiece was when it all just started ahhh man they were great I love them even more. I cant wait till they come back with full force. As for the other bands FUCK yea they were fucking great Aiden was fucking good as hell I did not really hear much of them but after yesterday I think I will. Silverstein FUCKING AWESOME!! I fucking love them too I forgot how good they are as well as Hawthorne Heights were just great thats when I lost my voice. we fought our way to the rail. I have the only battle scars my friend broke his toe during aiden and sat the whole show out aw. Fucking great itI love concerts.

current mood: relaxed

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Friday, December 2nd, 2005
2:43 pm - Its only a day away
I can't wait!!!! Finally!!!!! Im going to see Silverstein, Hawthorne Heights love them and of course Bayside. Aiden its pretty good have not really heard them. I love concerts the last one I went with Thrice was FUCKING AMAZING!! Thrice was great live the new songs holy shit!!! Are just fucking great live Image of the Invincible , and Music box were just great and the old songs were good also Underoath were there and they never cease to amaze me and the black and blues are all worth it. Ive been waiting for bayside since October 9, 2005 even though I found out October 13 but my gut is always right HAHA (hint hint could not make that any more obvious) music is my remedy and they just know the words I want to hear, I can't wait to hear them live. I hope they play dear tragedy and i know they will play Just enough to love you. Silverstein too FUCKING YEA!!! great going to be great i so cannot wait to see them all play.

current mood: anxious

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